My raw vagina got old to my boyfriend a long time ago. We basically fuck like rabbits, so statistically, we should have gotten sick of each other about three weeks into our relationship.
I think we’re still going strong because of the sex toys we eventually brought into the picture. He thinks it’s because my crotch is still the business.
Either way, hands-free male masturbators have changed the game for both of us (and my chaffed vajeen), so let’s talk about it because my friends won’t listen and my mom thinks I’m weird.
What is a Hands Free Male Masturbator?
Really quick, I need to clarify what a hands-free jerkoff machine for men is (and is NOT). It is not a manual sex toy because it features self-driven motors that deliver a wide range of different sensations.
However, it can act as a manual device if you get clever with it or run out of power. And if you’re anything like my boyfriend and I, you probably need all the time you can get.
A sex toy for men is supposed to be designed for targeted penile pleasure, but automatic playthings are in a league of their own.
With integrated vibrating mechanisms, oral sex simulating thrusters, and NASA-worthy syncing technologies, some of these contraptions are more perverted than they are practical.
Meanwhile, here are my 10 top favorites (or I should say: “…the 10 male sex toys that made my boyfriend squeal like a little girl.”).
The 10 Best Hands Free Male Masturbators In 2022:
These ten men’s sex toys have graced my bedroom and ruined my freshly washed sheets more times than I can count:
#1. The Kiiroo Keon Hands Free Male Sex Toy
BEST FOR WHEN YOU’RE HONEY ISN’T HOME
My man went hunting with his friends for a whole week and didn’t need shit. But the moment he took a business trip out of town, he insisted on using the Kiiroo KEON.
I don’t know if it’s because he was jealous of my free time or not. All I know is that the KK is down with OPP so we played with it for hours. The motors are packed inside a sleek, masculine frame that’s more than meets the eye.
In fact, this sexy beast is the brand’s newest virtual reality masterpiece equipped with Bluetooth technology.
You can use it with or without a partner, so I’m pretty sure I know why he didn’t answer some of my texts while he was gone.
The device syncs with one of the world’s largest interactive XXX libraries to stream high-definition 2D and 3D images straight to your brain. And since it also uses motion sensors, the user can experience real-time stimulation with or without a live partner to play with.
It even works with most of Kiiroo’s interactive lineup (including a few sexy treats for women).
PRO: It can stroke the penis at speeds of up to 230 pumps per minute.
CON: You may need some extra skills or equipment to use this sucker properly.
#2. The Handy
BEST FOR BREAKING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONES
The Handy was like nothing either one of us had ever seen or used before. It reminded me of a deconstructed device but it functioned like a full-fledged hero.
For instance, the part that pumped his penis was on the outside of the motor, sort of how the fuselage is located on the outside of a rocket ship before takeoff.
This one didn’t disconnect right as he was blasting away, though. The two components stayed together to perform feats of momentary excellence on my boyfriend’s crotch and at my command.
He can use it by himself too, and I know that because he does it all the time.
Luckily for me, he also likes to play a little game called “Find the Sweet Spot” where I control the stroke lengths until his legs start shaking like a grateful puppy. We appreciate the one-size-fits-all approach as well.
My man’s dick swells tremendously when he uses a penis pump or cock ring, so we sometimes need a device that’s accommodating enough for that phenomenon.
PRO: You can get this beast to run at up to 600 pumps per minute (or 10 pumps per second).
CON: The attached motor can get in the way during certain activities and/or positions.
#3. The Autoblow A.I. Hands Free Masturbator
BEST FOR WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO GIVE HEAD
We heard of this toy from one of our “peculiar” friends so we knew instantly that it was good. As it turns out, the dude has excellent taste.
The Autoblow A.I. is the first of its kind – an automatic blowjob machine that uses artificial intelligence to sort of guess how you’d like to be sucked off.
Inside the ample, skin-like chamber is a series of pleasure rings that move up and down the shaft at adjustable speeds. And when I used it on my boyfriend, he told me I didn’t have to give him head ever again.
There was more to it than that, though. This powerful machine didn’t even need batteries or recharging. It plugged directly into our nearest outlet and then went to town.
We could use it in any position imaginable, but we only discovered the Autopilot mode after several sessions.
Much to our surprise, we could “set it and forget it” like a fucking rotisserie oven and play with other toys and/or body parts at the same time.
It’s one of the easiest devices to clean too, with a pull-out sleeve that’s virtually indestructible.
PRO: It comes in several sizes with different sleeve designs for easy customization.
CON: We couldn’t enjoy the show because of the bulky design that features zero windows.
#4. The Lovense Max 2
BEST FOR SEX TECH BEGINNERS
My boyfriend and I adore all the latest sextech innovations, but some of the stuff out there is straight-up complicated.
Fortunately, the Lovense Max 2 was just as sleek and streamlined as its predecessor.
While it’s not the most powerful toy on the market and certainly not featuring the most cutting-edge technology, it is still app-controlled for long-distance play and that’s exactly what we used it for.
My man was especially a fan of the adjustable suction vent because apparently neither I nor any toy on Earth can suck his dick hard enough.
As for me, the best part was exploring the 10 performance settings that are built right into the device. There are three for automatically controlling the suction power and then seven more to manage the vibration intensity.
Each one is manipulated through an ergonomic push-button interface on the side, and the delicately textured, non-anatomical opening meant an even smoother ride for everyone on board.
We ran its battery straight into the ground with a three-hour marathon fuck session which culminated in the heaviest sleep of my entire life. You don’t forget something like that.
PRO: It can connect to the Lovense Nora or another Max 2 for some kinkier shit.
CON: You can’t use it with any 2D or 3D porn databases for VR fantasy fulfillment.
#5. The Arcwave Ion
BEST FOR FINDING OUT WHAT A FEMALE ORGASM FEELS LIKE
It was supposed to be a slow, relaxing night but it turned into one of the greatest sex stories ever told. The star was the Arcwave Ion and my man’s penis was the damsel in distress.
This thing blew my dude into oblivion and I mean that as literally as possible. The concept is to enjoy forced air stimulation on the most sensitive parts of the user’s crotch, with the focus primarily on the frenulum – or, as I like to call it, “the male clitoris.”
By doing so, it can produce sensations that are as close to the female orgasm as humanly possible (so far).
We set out to casually scroll through the eight pleasure settings, but if I remember correctly, we only made it through three before my man needed a breather.
We found out about the Smart Silence feature that way because our ignorant asses thought it was broken.
Truth is, it conserves its own battery by turning off until it comes within a certain distance of dick skin.
So, he not only got to experience what a woman feels when she gets off but he also became an environmentalist overnight. Is this feminism?
PRO: It’s open-ended so you don’t have to worry about a lengthy cleanup session when you’re done.
CON: There’s absolutely no suction possible with Pleasure Air Technology™.
#6. The Fun Factory Manta
BEST FOR HITTING THE SWEET SPOT
It didn’t look like much when we brought it home, but neither did our cat and now we love him. The Fun Factory Manta is a handheld contraption that I wouldn’t have pegged as being such a tremendous sex toy.
The U-shaped tip and its flexible flaps fit perfectly over my boyfriend’s shaft, and the little ridges in the middle helped stretch our lube supply quite a bit as well. If you think it looks like a tuning fork for your penis, you’re correct.
As far as we can tell, it’s the only way to channel a decent orgasm when your dick is being stubborn.
Ok, so full disclosure: my boyfriend and I started using sex toys because he suffers from occasion erectile dysfunction and that gives me vaginal dryness (and a headache).
So, stuff like this is especially exciting on those nights when his dick doesn’t do what it’s told.
The best part is that all twelve vibration speeds and patterns are also deliverable to my vagina, which meant we typically sandwiched it between our bodied to experience simultaneous orgasms until the battery died or our backs gave out.
PRO: You can use it with other toys and in any position imaginable.
CON: It just vibrates on a specific part of your body and that’s all. Nothing fancy.
#7. The Kiiroo TITAN
BEST FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE A GOOD BRAND
The Kiiroo brand is known for making high-end sex toys for men and women, with compatibility across the board and some of the best technologies in the industry.
So, we weren’t surprised to find the TITAN sitting on store shelves calling our names like sirens.
It’s an app-controlled penis stroking machine that features a removable sleeve with a one-of-a-kind texture.
There are a few built-in pleasure settings too, but the good part happens when you sync it via Bluetooth to another Kiiroo toy for long-distance play.
You can also hook it up to the compatible media library for XXX content and fantasy fulfillment.
My boyfriend says the VR quality is incredible, but he’ll never let me see because he’s greedy.
As a consolation prize, he sometimes connects it to my smart phone and then puts me in the driver’s seat. And since I already own a few items from this brand’s lineup, it’s nothing for me to pull out a compatible device and enjoy a real-time climax without ever touching his body. COVID-free, my friends.
PRO: It’s basically Kiiroo’s version of a universal remote for your dick.
CON: We’re still waiting on more compatible devices to help keep things fresh.
#8. The Fleshlight Universal Launch
BEST FOR DUSTING OFF YOUR FLESHLIGHT COLLECTION
It used to be huge; now it’s sleek. It once was reserved for a specific kind of insert; now it works with them all.
The new Universal Launch by Fleshlight has been an absolute treat in our relationship, especially since our first few years were spent collecting high-end sex toys from well-known brands.
Like the one before it, this device works in several different ways to deliver intuitively customizable stimulation through a clever combination of Bluetooth, VR, robust rocker arms, and a whole lot of fire power.
It can hold any male masturbator that the brand makes, including all of the specialty models from the Fleshlight Babes and Fleshjack Boys™ collections.
There’s also a smart phone mount for watching your favorite porn videos online or through the compatible app/XXX database.
We couldn’t decide what to do first, so we called off of work and took it for a test drive. And although we may have gotten in trouble with our boss, we know now that this streamlined update put the “FUL” in “fantasy FULfillment.”
PRO: There’s practically no limit to the things you can do, places you can go, or things you can feel.
CON: You’re going to need a bunch of extra equipment and several strokers to use this thing.
#9. The LELO F1s
BEST FOR TINKERING YOUR WAY INTO AN ORGASM
“Oh, so it’s like a video game for your dick,” my boyfriend said as he slid his penis into the smooth, gaping orifice of the high-tech LELO F1s. It’s the first of its kind to allow the user full control of his own masturbation experience.
From the variable vibration patterns, the scalable intensity levels, and the tailored session duration, nothing says, “Come play with me” like a sex toy that can speak.
This one doesn’t say anything, though; it just jingles on Mr. Bojangles until the cows come home.
My man hopped inside to sense the sonic waves and wound up sitting in his favorite chair all night tweaking the settings to his liking.
I tried to remind him that the functions can be controlled manually but he didn’t listen. He just kept swiping away on the software development kit (SDK) gleaming through his smart phone app before shamelessly begging me to test it out on him. I obliged, got to wear some sweet ass fingerless gloves (included), and became bedroom famous for stroking more than my boyfriend’s ego that night.
PRO: You’re almost guaranteed an orgasm even if your dick doesn’t always behave.
CON: It may be a bit too complex for newbies or for people who are unfamiliar with new technologies.
#10. The Kiiroo Onyx Plus
BEST FOR EDGING FANS
It’s the third generation Onyx, so you already know we’ve tried all three. This one (the Onyx+) offers a completely redesigned motor that rotates in a non-stop up and down motion to simulate the sensations of intercourse.
Obviously, it’s not as good as my pussy, but I have tons of competition with the FeelMe™ site compatibility. I’m constantly catching ole boy whetting his whistle to the interactive porn content. And since we bought VR goggles to enjoy our other toys, he always has them ready when using this one.
He says it’s because the online realism is on-point, but I think it’s because the Kiiroo Onyx+ can travel at speeds of up to 140 strokes per minute.
That’s almost 2.5 strokes per second, which is far faster than either one of us could ever twerk. And the fact that he can also manipulate each integrated setting with the touch of his finger via the built-in touch-sensitive control pad makes him feel like the cock of the walk, I’m sure.
PRO: You can use this toy with nearly everything in the Kiiroo lineup.
CON: It may not accommodate all penis sizes.
By the way, choosing the right male masturbator is usually harder than my boyfriend’s dick right before we get it on, so take your time. There is no right or wrong answer here, and it’s perfectly fine to pick more than one.
Where To Buy The Best Hands Free Male Sex Toys:
Kiiroo – a high-tech male sex toy manufacturer that offers a quality line up of handsfree masturbators for men.
Handsfree Masturbator FAQs
Q: How am I supposed to clean one of these things?
A: Cleaning any kind of toy is crucial because the human body is disgusting and sex is messy.
Fortunately, most device manufacturers know that so they make their products user-friendly and easy to clean. So, just check the owner’s manual for specific care and maintenance details.
Meanwhile, understand that most toys require very little to maintain – a quick rinse with warm, fresh water and an ample spread of non-abrasive, hypoallergenic sex toy cleaner. There may also be some disassembly/reassembly required to properly clean yours, so pay attention. Either way, let your playthings dry completely before returning them to storage.
Q: Do I have to be a ninja to store it properly?
A: Although discretion and privacy are both extremely important to most people who play with toys, you don’t have to be a magician to store yours properly.
Usually, high-end automatic stroking machines come with their own storage containers.
The ones that don’t come with storage are either self-contained or there are bags and boxes available through the manufacturer.
The idea is to keep your stuff out of harm’s way – no direct sunlight, temperature-controlled environment, nestled inside its own bubble away from airborne bacteria and debris.
If you can cover all of those bases, you should be good to go.
Q: How do I know which type of lube to use?
A: The lubricant you choose has little to do with the toys you play with. It’s all about preference here but be sure the lube’s ingredients are compatible with both your skin and the device’s materials.
For example, you can’t use silicone-based lubrication on a silicone machine because it will ruin the exterior and possibly compromise the integrity of the toy.
Oil-based lubes are nice, but they can stain your bedding, they’re hard to wash off, and they don’t work on everything.
So, choose a water-based lubricant if you can because it offers all the features you need without damaging your stash or irritating your skin.
Q: Can a hands-free jerkoff machine hurt my dick?
A: Yes, you can get hurt if you use one of these things incorrectly or try to get too creative with your masturbation sessions.
Always follow the manufacturer’s instructions listed in the owner’s manual and respect your plaything’s limitations even if they don’t match yours.
Jerking off too quickly, not using enough compatible lube, keeping your crotch gobblers filthy, and taking it near water when you’re not supposed to are all quick ways to hurt your dick and possibly even your feelings.
For specific safety instructions, refer to your user’s guide.
Q: Can I fix or replace parts on my device if they break or malfunction?
A: In some cases, you may be able to order a replacement part from the manufacturer and install it yourself from home.
In other cases, the entire contraption must be returned to its maker for inspection and repair.
Read your owner’s manual for more information or contact the seller to find out how to handle damages. And no matter what, don’t try to tinker with your toys unless that’s what they were designed for because you could get hurt or completely void the warranty.
Q: Is there such thing as a warranty on a device I have sex with?
A: Most male masturbation experts make toys that they’re proud of, so they usually include at least a limited manufacturer’s warranty with your purchase.
Information about that can be found inside the box within the owner’s manual, on its own registration card, or online at the manufacturer’s website.
To keep your warranty effective, be sure to register it within 30 days of the purchase date and read the bylines to make sure you’re not stepping out of bounds when experimenting with your stuff.
Q: What is the best way to heat and/or cool my stroker’s sleeve material?
A: Some male strokers cannot be heated nor cooled no matter what you do. That’s because they’re not waterproof and you can’t bake them, so it’s cold synthetic material for you every time.
However, some toys feature a removable sleeve or a waterproof design, so you can run them under hot or cold water to heat them up or cool them down.
Never try to bake, boil, microwave, or steam your toys because that could damage the motor and/or electrical components. As always, refer to your owner’s manual for more specific temperature play instructions (or just use a heating/cooling lube instead).
Q: How do I know if my penis will fit inside the chamber?
A: To find a toy that best fits your penis, take some quick measurements of the length and girth. Compare those numbers to the device’s dimensions and be sure to account for shrinkage and growth.
The average man needs between four and eight inches of length and about 2-3 inches of girth to feel comfortably snug inside his chamber, but things like penis pump use, cock rings, Peyronie’s disease, and erectile dysfunction (ED) may affect those measurements.
For the best results, pick something that can accommodate all penis shapes and sizes.
Q: How can horny couples use an automatic male masturbation machine together?
A: Male sex toys aren’t always designed just to give a man pleasure.
Some of them are actually made for couples, with real-time connectivity capabilities using motion sensors, Bluetooth, and smart phone apps.
Men no longer have to jerk off in shame while sitting in a dark, deserted basement.
Not only is the male orgasm a better understood and more respected topic these days, but modern manufacturers are suddenly creating contraptions that keep couples cumming back for more.
Interactive porn databases, virtual reality shows, and web cam sessions are quickly becoming the norm, and horny couples can now have sex no matter where they are in relation to their partner.